VOICE VAULT | It Mcqueen

IT McQueen, author and creator of The Voice Vault Library

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6_ERURGENCY

“Gurl, I done fell in Applebees tryna get some food.” “Gurl what! How you gon drive?” “I’ll be fine, we gotta get this money. I’m helping you and you helping me.” “Where you going with that leg looking like that, young lady. You need to get that looked at.” “It’s really swole girl. Here gimme your glasses and I'll drive you to the hospital.” “I know our prescription isn’t the same but I’ll be able to see well enough to drive.” We get to Emory Midtown I pulled into the emergency lane “Just get out right here. I’ll be here when you get out.” “You not gon park?” “Girl aint nobody got no money and aint no free parking so I’mm sta with the car. You just need to go take care of yo’ leg.” She hobbled into the hospital and promised to keep me updated by text. We were there for over 12 hours and I got out 1x to use the bathroom. For the 1st time I experienced sleeping in a car overnight and I knew then that although it was doable that wasn't no shit I wanna do. I need to keep a roof over my head because I need more than curl up room. I wake up still at the hospital. Damn I was hoping it was a dream, these body aches making it way too real. I need to stretch out. “Hey, Good Morning. I wanna ask you a favor. We need a place to stay for about a week. Until I can get my room rent up.” We? “How many people we talking about?” She named five people. I already have five people in my 5 bedroom house taking up all of the rooms and I had planned on taking my friend back with me to take care of her. “Well I don’t have room for 5. I can take one of the teens.” As we're otw to the drug store to fill prescriptions. This lady calls me and asks if I am home yet. MA'AM REALLY. Didn’t I tell you at 9AM I'm at the ER and will call you when I get home. She tells me she comin too. As a mom I get it but as a homeowner I don’t. No ma'am I can't house all of you. I already have a whole family it's 5 of us here already. Like where tf these people gon’ sleep. Ain't no room in the Inn. I'm tired, sore, hungry, sleepy and still in yesterday's clothes. I just wanna shower and slide my nekked ass under my clean sheets. These folks met me at my house. I know you remember me saying all these folks can't move in my house. I didn’t know people could sneak and move in with you. Not until January 7, 2023. Her daughter dropped them off, she said. I thought it was just mother and child so I went along with the lil program. She just standing there looking at me. And says, “We have a Yorkie in the car.” I know momma didn't hear that because she didn't respond. I needed a release. I gotta see her reaction. “Uhhhh ma. She said they got a uhhh A Yorkie in the car.” “What the fuk is that?!” “It's a dog Ma.” This lady gon tell me “she a house dog.” MA'AM YOU AINT GOT NO HOUSE. “She gon have to sleep on the porch.” Ain't no way she forreal. So now we got a kid a mom and dog. Not to mention my best friend and I are now sharing my bed. So I'm not nekked or comfortable. We now have 8 occupants and a house dog on the porch. When I woke up there was a kid I didn't know at my kitchen table and another walking out of the hall bathroom. Where the hell am I? Lemme take my ass back to bed. I looked in my mom's room like what the hell and just turned around. I wanna be outta 2023 and we just 7 days in. “Ma, how many people are down there on a damn 3 seater sofa?” 2 Days passed and I realized 5 people are living in my basement. “IDK. Baby. She came up and opened the door late last night and I saw the tall girl walk by. No one said anything though. I don't know where these people came from.” I was furious because didn’t I tell yo goofy ahhh I didn't have room for all of you. damn give ‘em an inch n they definitely gon take a mile. 1 houseguest turned into a family of 5 and a pet, overnight. My family hated that I was always lending a hand. Hell, I hated that shit too. Especially right now when there are 5 people in 1 room in my house and the momma ain't took no bath in 3 days matter fact ain't no bathrooms downstairs and I ain't seen her upstairs at all. “Calgon, Just drown me!” I called her to the table because there ain't enough THC in California to keep me calm at this point. I'm a volcano about to erupt. I had to get calm enough to have a respectful conversation. “Listen, When we spoke I told you that I did not have room for all 5 of you. And I wake up and all 5 of you are here not to mention the dog that you didn't even mention until you arrived. Then new people just keep popping up in the house. I don't know how you got to this point. I'm helping you because the truth is one day it could be me and I hope I can get help but you need a better plan with 5 people and a dog baby.” This was the longest week of my life. I fell in love with the dog on the porch and ended up getting my own. But I was gon have to stop making people urgency my emergency. VISIT IT-MCQUEEN.COM FOR STORIES THAT SPEAK THE VOICE THAT HEALS AND EXPERIENCE SOUND YOU CAN FEEL.

FRESH_OUT_CHRIS__ADENA_EP1

I knew I didn't have the testicular fortitude for this kinda shit. Listening to my free spirited ass homegirl. I have never kept anything from Chris. “Girl he locked up. You don’t know what he doing in there shit you know they be fucking the female guards. You out here and you got needs too. Gone head and give that fine ass man some time shit he just tryna take you out” My momma always told me. “Don't listen to your friends. They dumber than you.” I’m sure this is the kinda dumb shit she was talking about. I let him take me out, more than once. I enjoyed our conversations. Then I allowed him to enjoy me. I felt so guilty. Talk about the walk of shame. I didn’t realize it would be this heavy. I had waited 5 years for this day. I missed Chris so much. The thought of having to hold on to this was causing my anxiety to spiral out of control. I had to tell him. I just gotta figure out the right way and timing. Get it together Dena! Shake it off he needs to see a smile on your face. It's been too long since he tasted freedom. It should taste good. I had time to get my face together as I waited at the release gate. I put on a little mascara, eyeliner and red lipstick. He liked that. I couldn’t wait to see his smile. I loved the way he always looked into my eyes. The gate unlocked (buzz) There he was. My face lit up as I opened the car door. “The smell of freedom” his arms stretched wide. I fell in his arms and he squeezed me tight. It felt so amazing we just stood and held each other. A tear fell from my eye as I fought back my emotions. He kissed my forehead and broke the whispers of the wind. “You brought ‘em” I passed him the keys with a sigh of relief. “Right where you always keep 'em I never moved a thing.” I just couldn't stop touching him. The whole way home his hand, his shoulder. My God I missed him so much how could I cheat on him. Not now. Now isn't the right time. I don't wanna upset him especially while he's driving. “I'm home Dena for good. I just wanna thank you baby for staying down with me and—. I know 5 years is a long time…..” His voice trailed off as my eyes welled up with tears…. I placed my hand on his chest – “Chris I’m just glad you're home baby I love you and I never wanna be separated from you ever again.” “I love you too baby and you won't I promise you that.” On the ride home I had time to reflect on how we got here. We were good together and I knew Chris loved me. I was living the life every girl dreamed of until I tried to bake some of my mommas biscuits. It was the very first time he was going to have some of my homemade biscuits and I was fresh outta butter. “I got you babe you stay right there looking sexy with that apron on. Need anything else while I’m out?” The next time I heard his voice— “This is a collect call from an inmate at the Fulton county correctional facility.” I had been worried sick had called every surrounding hospital Southern Regional, Henry Medical, Grady, Emory. I had been looking for him all night. He was in jail. It was a relief but it was heartbreaking. It was scary and it wasn't the stability that I was used to. The worst thing is, it was lonely. His past had come back to haunt him. When he was younger he hung out with the wrong crowd, doing the wrong shit, to the wrong people. That's what he said when we met. He never said exactly what he did, where or with who and I didn’t ask because it was none of my business. What mattered to me is the man that I met was clearly a different person, in a different place, doing very different things, with me. “I was pulled over. I had a warrant for armed robbery. I'll keep you posted baby, I love you.” I cried so hard so loud I know the neighbors must've heard me. The buzzer rang. I tried to ignore it but they wouldn't go away. “Who Is It!” I yelled. “Did you find Chris?” I had totally forgotten Monique was going out with me today to look for Chris. I buzzed her up… When she saw my face she immediately thought the worst and burst into tears. She ran over to hold me and helped me finish my cry out. I calmed down enough to gather my thoughts and tell her where he was. Every friend is different and serves a different purpose. Monique was the compassionate one. The comforter who's always willing to lend a helping hand. She shared some encouraging words and took me out to lunch. I felt so much better when she left. I was definitely going to need my friends to get through this. Every friend can't help with everything. The colorful friends many times aren't guarded and don't mind living life on the edge. They are the risk takers. The ones who you don't entertain if you ain’t feeling froggy because they definitely gon jump. We all have a THOT friend and most importantly we have an inner THOT. You have to learn how to separate the two or you will find yourself being a community THOT. My mama's advice was sharp sometimes but she ain't neva lied. Somma my friends still dumber than me.

FRESH_OUT_CHRIS__ADENA_EP2

“Chris, I need to tell you something before I lay next to you. I want our life together to be built on trust. While you were away…. I had an affair. It began as just us hanging out and having dinner–” “– Adena, I don't wanna” “Please let me finish. He was never in or at our home. I slept with him once, I had no plans for it to go that far and I blocked him after. I'm sorry baby. I am so, so sorry.” He got up and left the room. The pain I felt 5 years ago when I received that collect call was nothing compared to this. It felt like he ripped my heart out of my chest. The expression in his face. The pain in his face. I knew the risk I was taking by even sharing this with him. I could lose him for good and I just got him back. I knew we couldn't build on secrets and lies. My conscience just wouldn't let me do it. Our first night home together and we slept in separate beds. At least he was free. At least he was here with me. I yearned for his touch. More than anything I yearned for his forgiveness. I wanted to know that he still loved me. That I was still his, Sweet-D. Chris walked around the house for a week acting like I was invisible. He didn't ask me for anything. We lived worse than roommates. Hell, he spoke to the neighbors more. I felt like I was being punished but I understood he needed time to process this. Then he broke the silence. “I get it. Shit happens. I've gone without for 5 years and imma keep going without for now. I love you but I'm trying to deal with what you told me. If we both aren't fully in the moment it's a waste of our time.” I understood. The time had come for me to prove my love. I knew this day would come eventually. I put my big girl draws on. “I totally understand, baby. I appreciate your patience. I'll remain patient in our healing process. I love you and will always love you.” It took months but gradually Chris softened up enough to talk to me and touch me again. Intimacy was still on hold. It was like, a fresh start. It was good getting to know each other again. A lot changes over a period of 5 years. “Hey put on something sexy I wanna go somewhere and you're going with me.” “Sexy?” “Sexy like wings and beer? Or sexy like steak and fine wine? Where we going?” “I didn’t know there were levels to this shit. Put on something for me without telling everyone my business. Can you handle that?” A chill went down my spine. “Mmmm, Yes Sir.” I loved that authority in him. That's my man! My sleeveless romper swept the floor with slits up both legs to the thigh. It cascaded around my curves like a waterfall. He looked so good in his linen suit and wide brim. We were stepping out tonight. He pulled up to Bleu Melody. I had come past here a few times but never stopped. I'd heard some good stuff about it though. It was nice. The ambiance was beautiful and had a fitting vibe. A live band was performing. The illustrious Reci Reign singing her best cover songs. Grown. Real Grown. Period. “Baby you did yo’ 1 - 2 with this one.” We hadn't been out on a date in so long. Since before he went in. We sat in a room on the side alone. VISIT IT-MCQUEEN.COM FOR STORIES THAT SPEAK THE VOICE THAT HEALS AND EXPERIENCE SOUND YOU CAN FEEL.

CHRIS__ADENA_EP_3

We were surrounded by glass walls. The dim lighting made us there but invisible. SEXY SHIT. We enjoyed our dinner and washed it down with a couple of cocktail trios. I was feeling real good. “Come on, let's smoke. Didn't you say they had a smoking section?” “Lemme go to the men's room real quick.” I touched up my lipstick at the table while I waited for him to return. I'm too Boogie to use public restrooms. I can hold it we right up the street from the house. When he returned he walked in with 1 red rose in hand and slid next to me. “Damn baby, you so sweet, thank you.” I leaned in to kiss him and he stopped me. I was confused. Then I heard the music in the background. He lifted my chin, looked me in my eyes. “Sweet-D, we have experienced so much together. Good, bad and some ugly but even when there was unfaithfulness, you remained accountable. I've never met a woman like you. You can be baby soft and tonka tough all in the same minute.” He was touching me. Rubbing my thighs. I could feel his energy seeping into my body. I could feel parts of him that I'm sure weren't exposed. “I know it's been a long time. I want it to be right when it happens. So I'm gonna make you my wife. Will you marry me?” “Yes! YES! YES! YES! YES!!!” Tears streamed down my face and a pool of moisture gathered in my romper. I couldn’t wait to get home and let him taste this honey baby! OUUUWEEEE! I hadn’t even looked down at the table. Like MAGIC our dishes were gone, the table was clean, our leftovers were boxed and red rose petals piled high in front of me with an open ring box on top. A diamond ring sparkled back at me. I loved Chris, to be honest I didn’t even need a ring but it was beautiful. He grabbed my hand “I bet you really need that smoke now huh.” “I'm doing this for a reason Baby. If we can wait for each other while we are together, that's the ultimate self control. If we are ever apart again for any reason, waiting won't be a question.” “I understand, baby but did you have a date in mind?” His level of discipline was sexy as fuck but I know he not saying what I think he saying. Ouuu Lord! Dena girl you've been waiting this long you can wait til its official. “I'm ready whenever you're ready. You tell me where the honeymoon is. I know you've always wanted something private so I thought why not have the wedding as private as the honeymoon in the same location.” “Mmmm. Look at you just prepared for everything huh. I love it when you take control.” “Ladies and gentlemen, we are now beginning the boarding process for Flight 721 to Honolulu. At this time, we invite our First Class passengers, active-duty military, and passengers needing extra assistance to board.” “OMG baby I can't believe we're having a Destination wedding!” “We only have about 6 hours to play with, now, when we land so we're going to stay in the airport. I found a lil place for us to eat. I think you'll like it.” “Chris, we really eating at a place called Makai Plantation? What if they think we are real hawaiians and make slaves outta us?” “Woman, sit down and enjoy this mai tai with me.” We sat at the bar and enjoyed drinks and a Spam Musubi appetizer until a table opened. I don’t know what the hell that was but it was delicious on another level, nothing like spam in America. I ordered the Mahi Mahi Cesar Salad and realized why they were so packed that shit was bussin. Chris let me taste his Loco Moco and that shit was crazy good. Just before our plates arrive we picked up our glasses for a toast “To the road that brought us here, and to the forever we’re flying toward.” Toasting sound Chris Before we land in Fiji, I want you to know I am not just traveling to marry you. I am choosing you with peace in my heart and intention in my spirit. I have lived through seasons that taught me what love is not. That is why I recognize the value of what we are building. I see a man I can build with, laugh with, pray with, and rest beside. I see someone who makes forever feel possible. I promise to communicate before I shut down, to protect what we build, to honor our home, and to choose us even when life gets loud. When we leave Honolulu, we are leaving as two people on the way to become one promise. Fiji is where we say it out loud, but I already feel it here. Adena Honolulu was the pause before forever. We arrived at the Likuliku Lagoon Resort. It was on Malolo Island and exclusive to adult travelers. No families, No children No pets. We checked into our Beachfront Bure, it was privacy and luxury all in one. Our pre-wedding night festivities included a sunset cruise to an island nearby where the coral reef lit up the water like glow wands. I felt so connected to the universe here. All of this natural beauty spewing from the earth. We woke the next morning to a beach side breakfast. Blackened Mahi Mahi Fish and grits with eggs over easy and a bowl of fresh tropical fruit. Now that's some southern down home Fiji cuisine and yes baby they ate with that! After breakfast we went off to our couple massages. The place was like a decked out cave. There was a beautiful waterfall coming out of a rock wall. There was lulling music coming through the speaker system. Hell, I thought I was in heaven. When I woke up Chris was gone and they were telling me I had to get ready to meet my groom on our own private island. The natives cruised me across the water on a small yacht. Fully stocked with fruit champagne and fiji water. We were alone, in a bungalow, on a private island in the middle of one of the most beautiful places in the world. The island was lit with bamboo tiki torches. It was unforgettably intimate. Our bungalow sat in the middle of the island stocked with wine, champagne, Godiva dark chocolate and fresh tropical fruit. Chris and I showered together. He did something he had never done. He washed me, from head to toe. The way he took his time with my body was something I had never experienced. I opened my eyes, still lost in last night. I could hear the ocean water dancing outside our bungalow. My momma always told me anything worth having is worth waiting on. This was definitely worth the wait. I turned over and slid my hand under my pillow. My letter from Chris. I had almost forgotten. I looked over at him. He was still sleeping. Before we land in Fiji, I want you to know I am walking into this marriage with peace, certainty, and love. I knew you were the woman I wanted to marry when I started seeing you in every part of my future. I saw someone I could build with, laugh with, pray with, and come home to. You made love feel safe, real, and worth protecting. In our marriage, I promise to protect your heart, our peace, our trust, and the home that we’re building. I promise to communicate with love, listen with patience, and never let pride speak louder than my commitment to us. When life gets hard, I want us to remember we are on the same team. I want us to choose grace before anger, prayer before distance, and love before ego. Before Fiji hears my vows, I already know the truth in my heart. You are my choice, my peace, and my forever

NASTY

I eat nasty Real nasty And I know IT I need a man Who don't have no problems with me opening my mouth wide And stuffing IT Chewing with my mouth open Food seeping from the corners Truth of the matter is IF offered fellatio He would love to see a lil run out... IF he don't like to see you eat baby He probably don't wanna feed u Nothing but liquid protein So the next time he take you out you better enjoy yo damn food. Choose Accordingly

BLACK_MAN

Black man, you’ve had it hard. Ooh Black man, even when you tried to play your part. Emasculated. Degraded. Attacked. Damn. Just ’cause you Black. And still, somehow, not even honored among your own. Listen... It’s time to take these labels off the table. The ones they gave you. The ones they sold us. The ones we repeated before we remembered who you really are. You are kings. Warriors. Seed carriers. Visionaries. Seers. Doers. Builders. Protectors. Fathers. Not thugs. Not YNs. Not what the world named you when it feared your power. Before they called you niggers. God called you necessary You are chosen blood. Rooted men. Rising men. Indigenous men. And we we honor you, The God You Are Choose Accordingly

DEEP_TISSUE_MASSAGE

COMING SOON

LUST_YOUR_PROBLEM

The thing we fail to realize about lust Is that it literally has nothing To do with the person Being lusted after. Lust is a personal thorn in the lusters side That's your vice baby You lusting because that's what you like. You lusting because Those are the desires of your heart They will be exposed. You're lusting because You lack self control And spiritual accountability I don't care What your title or calling is IF you're lusting That's not a her problem or a him problem not a showing too much problem or a too tight problem That's a YOU problem. A spiritual ACCOUNTABILITY problem. Stop making people feel uncomfortable about themselves Their body Their haves and have nots because you got demons. And deal with yourself. Choose Accordingly James 1:14-15 “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” Temptation comes from a person’s own unchecked desire. Galatians 5:16 “Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” If someone is truly walking in the Spirit, flesh should not be controlling them. If the Spirit is leading you, skin should not rule you. Lust is not holiness being tested — it is flesh being exposed.

JUNETEENTH

COMING SOON

THE_DEMOLITION

If you build IT They will come. 22 WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE DEMOLITION. Everything I thought I needed Everything I thought I wanted Was destroyed. Connections that no longer served me began to dissolve and I was shocked at the roster. 30 year relationships, life long relationships Over in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t understand why. I felt betrayed and then… Abandoned. I was 8 years old all over again My world was crumbling around me. I know God but I was still scared. Even though I knew I would be ok I didn't know what the hell I was gonna have to go thru before ok arrived. The enemy was coming for my baby That's a Roman 8:28 relationship It’ll cost you Life You will experience 2 births and 2 deaths in life The 1st birth is when your mother delivers you and holds you in her arms. You cry because you were fine where you were Now you’ve began a separation you did not request. The 2nd birth begins with death To your old self. It’s a painful process. Emotional scarring. Sacrifice and Loss Traumatic Love Going along to get along. If you put new wine in old skin. The old skins will burst. This time you have to find deliverance for yourself. You ask for separation Not caring what you will lose. Praying what’s not for you To fall away suddenly Now you're ready to let go and let god You were going along with the wrong thing to get along with the wrong people. The ultimate deliverance The peace that surpasses all understanding. The life of abundance that was promised. Has finally arrived To think If all of the old had not been destroyed you couldn’t have built IT and they wouldn't have come Your mother delivers you the first time. But at some point in life, you’re going to have to deliver yourself. You’ll go through a transformation alone, in a room nobody else can enter. A room built from your own choices, your own pain, your own lessons, and your own becoming. And you’ll have to sit there until maturity finishes its work. Because transformation ain’t always pretty. Sometimes it looks like pressure. Sometimes it looks like isolation. Sometimes it feels like you’re being broken down instead of built up. But when the process is complete, you don’t come out the same way you went in. You stop crawling on your belly…

FREQUENT_FLYERS

IT's a Lotta school kids in this line. They must be having classes up here. Thats nice. Skeet, Hey man whassup! Ayyye long time no see bruh whas hanen.. Last name Scott Kita! Hey girl. Last name Morris "I'll be back by the time we go to gym. I hope I be late so i'on have to dress out." "Hey I think they just called you, Moe." "Oh shit good looking out bruh see you after school." "Uh yes I'm here to get my blood drawn." "Oh ma'am you're on the wrong side. This line is for Venereal Diseases." "I beg your pardon." "Diseases transmitted through sexual contact. Here, take some free condoms." I looked around that room at all those children with books and backpacks. "I just need to get this job ma'am. No thank you." People have been cashing in Frequent Flyer Packages for the free clinic since I was a teenager but to see this clinic packed out like they giving away free food is diabolical. Practice Safe sex stop flying free. Yall need to Choose Accordingly

KING

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